So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
