Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
