i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
