yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
