its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
