I can text with my tongue
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
