It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
