I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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