when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
