my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
