Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
