i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
