But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
