Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
