Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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