If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
