A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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