Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
