i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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