Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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