Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Randomize
