Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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