I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
