so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
