apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You are a genius and a whore.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
