It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
