I like my sex mixed with concussions.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
