Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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