This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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