i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
