like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
