Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
