God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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