what day is it and did you see me today?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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