I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
