I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
