I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
