if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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