if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
