i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
