He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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