I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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