"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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