yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
