areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
