Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
