People with herpes should wear stickers.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
