I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
