return my video game
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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