Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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