Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
